Plain Talk Series
Growing Up DrugFree: A
Parent's Guide To Prevention
Chapter 1:
Parental concerns
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"When Timmy
entered middle school, I was scared to death."
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"What can
Jennifer say when her teenage friends pressure her? I don't
know what to tell her."
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"I can't keep
up with all the new drugs and new names for drugs."
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"I wouldn't
know what to say if I suspected Keisha was getting high.
She's only twelve."
When most
parents talk about drugs, they voice some of their greatest fears
and concerns. And their apprehension is well justified: The 1990s
began with an increase in the popularity of drugs. During the
previous decade, the number of children using drugs declined by
nearly half, as leaders from government, the media, and community
and parents' groups sent a unified message to the public. Drug
addiction can destroy your relationships and family life and can
harm or even kill you. Unfortunately, as the general public began
to feel that the problem had abated and was now manageable, usage
began to rise again. A recent study found that four out of ten
tenth graders have tried marijuana.
Those of us who grew up during the first wave of drug
experimentation knew more about drugs than our parents did. Now we
don't know as much about drugs as our children do. And we
certainly don't know what it feels like to live in our children's
world a world not only more complex and stressful than it was
during our youth, but with a drug culture that never existed
before. For example:
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LSD is now marketed
to younger children with colorful designs or
cartoon characters.
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Needles are no
longer a deterrent to heroin use because heroin is
available in a form so pure that it can be snorted.
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Children are
re-selling prescription drugs as party drugs.
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Cigars,
emptied of tobacco and filled with marijuana, provide a
heftier toke than regular reefers or joints. (aka "A Blunt" When
dipped in formaldehyde "Fry" When dipped in embalming fluid "Wet")
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An animal
tranquilizer called Ketamine (aka "Vitamin K," "New Ecstasy,"
and "Breakfast Cereal") is snorted or smoked
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Underground
home laboratories for manufacturing methamphetamine have
made this drug much more available for illegal use
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All-night
dance parties called raves are characterized by electronic
music and the use of drugs such as MDMA or "Ecstasy" that can
cause
psychological problems.
Bad habits
can start early
The anti-drug education our children are getting in school today
only begins to counter the street-level "education" they pick up
from their peers and popular culture. Our children often learn how
to use new media faster than we do, and they receive news and
entertainment not only from movies and TV, but from video
cassettes, CDs, billboards, magazines targeted to children,
websites, and chat rooms information sources and formats that
didn't even exist a generation ago. Drug references can reach them
in unexpected places, such as magazine ads and clothing-store
dressing rooms where music is piped in. Even though these sights
and sounds are not usually promoting drug use, they can reinforce
a child's impression that use is "normal" a standard, even
expected, part of growing up.
Unfortunately, the perception that drugs are a normal rite of
passage has become common even among children in their preteen
years. Many parents of nine-to-twelve year-olds would be shocked
to learn how plentiful and often free drugs are in their
children's world. The average age at which teens start using
tobacco is a little past 12 years old. The average age at which
they start drinking alcohol is almost 13. And the average age at
which they start smoking marijuana is 14. Although the majority of
young people do not use these substances, some children are using
at even younger ages than these.
It could be your child
These statistics are so startling that it's tempting to think, "My
child would never do anything so risky at that age." But believing
that is risky in itself. Studies show that many more teens report
being offered drugs and using them than their parents are
willing to believe. When polled, the number of parents who thought
their children had tried marijuana about 20% represented only
one-half the number of teens who said they had actually tried.
Although keeping a child drug-free through these trying years is a
great challenge to a parent, no one is in a better position than
you to meet this challenge. A study published in the Journal of
the American Medical Association found that teenagers who reported
feeling close to their families were the least likely to engage in
any of the risky behaviors studied, which included drinking and
smoking marijuana or cigarettes. This finding supports what a
majority of parents believe: that they can teach their children to
view drugs as a serious concern and that they can
influence their children's decisions about whether or not to use
drugs.
This publication will help you guide your preschool-to-high
school-age children as they form attitudes about drug use. It
provides answers to children's questions as well as sources for
help. It covers such important topics as:
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How to carry on a continuing dialogue
with your children on the subject of drugs. Talking frequently is
essential, and it's important to be clear; research found that
although nine out of ten parents questioned said that in the past
year they had talked to their teens about drugs, only two-thirds
of the teens agreed.
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Why occasional alcohol, tobacco or
other drug use is a serious matter. Even a child who may get drunk
or high on cocaine less than once a month can suffer serious
consequences, such as flunking an important test, having a car
accident, or a heart attack.
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How to
educate ourselves. To talk to our children persuasively, we need
to have as much information as they do. This guide provides a
working knowledge of common drugs their effects on the mind and
body,
the symptoms of their use, the latest drug slang, and methods of
drug use now in vogue.
The teen
years can be trying for families. It is not always easy to
communicate with those you love. But the stakes are high. If teens
can navigate these years without drinking, smoking, or taking
drugs, chances are that they won't use or abuse these substances
as adults. Your influence early on can spare your child the
negative experiences associated with illegal drug use, and even
save your child's life.
This book will show you how to use your greatest strengths your
love for your children and concern for their well-being to raise
drug-free children.
Why you shouldn't allow your children to smoke marijuana
Some parents who saw marijuana being widely used in their youth
have wondered, "Is marijuana really so bad for my child?" The
answer is an emphatic "yes," and parents should familiarize
themselves with these reasons:
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Marijuana is illegal.
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Marijuana now exists in forms that are
stronger with higher levels of THC, the psychoactive ingredient
than in the 1960s.
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Studies show that someone who smokes
five joints a week may be taking in as many cancer-causing
chemicals as someone who smokes a full pack of cigarettes every
day.
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*Hanging around users of marijuana
often means being exposed not only to other drugs later on, but
also to a lifestyle that can include trouble in school, engaging
in sexual activity while young, unintended pregnancy, difficulties
with the law, and other problems.
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Marijuana use can slow down reaction
time and distort perceptions. This can interfere with athletic
performance, decrease a sense of danger, and increase risk of
injury.
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Regular marijuana users can lose the
ability to concentrate that is needed to master important academic
skills, and they can experience short-term memory loss. Habitual
marijuana users tend to do worse in
school and are much more likely to drop out altogether.
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Teens who rely on marijuana as a
chemical crutch and refuse to face the challenges of growing up
never learn the emotional, psychological, and social lessons of
adolescence.
*The research is not complete on the effects of marijuana on the
developing brain and body.
Chapter 2:
Laying The Groundwork
We, as parents, are the most important role models in our
children's lives. What we say and do about drugs matters a lot
when it comes to the choices our children make. We can:
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Set a positive example and get
involved in our children's lives.
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Get involved in their activities, know
their friends, know where they're going and what they're doing.
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Create clear, consistent expectations
and enforce them.
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Talk early and often about drugs.
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Discuss the consequences of drug use.
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Show we care enormously about what
choices our children make about drugs.
Children
learn by example. They adopt the values we demonstrate through our
actions. As they grow, they're impressed by our concern for others
when we bring soup to a sick neighbor and by our honesty when we
admit making a mistake.
Although we believe these traits are important, it's not always
easy to be consistent. Telling a friend you're younger than you
really are sends a confusing message to your child isn't it
wrong to lie? If you forbid smoking in the house, how can you
allow your friends to break the rules? If you say that drinking
alcohol is a serious matter, how can you laugh uproariously at TV
and movie drunks? Because alcohol is off-limits for children, even
asking them to fetch a beer from the refrigerator or to mix drinks
at an adult party can be confusing.
Children who decide not to use alcohol or other drugs often make
this decision because they have strong convictions against the use
of these substances convictions based on a value system. You can
make your family's values clear by explaining why you choose a
particular course of action and how that choice reflects your
values. If you're walking down the street together and spot a
blind person attempting to cross, you can both offer to help him
and then take the opportunity to discuss why it's important to
support those in need. You can also explore moral issues by posing
hypothetical questions at the dinner table or in the car for
example, "What would you do if the person ahead of you in the
movie line dropped a dollar bill?" or "What would you do if your
friend wanted you to skip class with him and play video games
instead?" Concrete examples like these make the abstract issue of
values come alive.
Planning for togetherness
Sometimes it's frustrating how few chances there are to have
conversations about drugs with our children. In our busy culture,
with families juggling the multiple demands of work, school,
after-school activities, and religious and social commitments, it
can be a challenge for parents and children to be in the same
place at the same time. To ensure that you have regular get
togethers with your children, try to schedule:
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Family meetings. Held once a week at a
mutually-agreed-upon time, family meetings provide a forum for
discussing triumphs, grievances, projects, questions about
discipline, and any topic of concern to a family member. Ground
rules help. Everyone gets a chance to talk; one person talks at a
time without interruption; everyone listens, and only positive,
constructive feedback is allowed. To get resistant children to
join in, combine the get- together with incentives such as
post-meeting pizza or assign them important roles such as
recording secretary or rule enforcer.
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Regular
parent-child rituals. These eliminate the need for constant
planning and rearranging. Perhaps you can take the long way home
from school once a week and get ice cream or make a weekly visit
to the library together. Even a few minutes of conversation while
you're cleaning up after dinner or right before bedtime can help
the family catch up and establish the open communication that is
essential to raising drug-free children.
Making
your position clear
When it comes to dangerous substances like alcohol, tobacco, and
other drugs, don't assume that your children know where you stand.
They want you to talk to them about drugs. State your position
clearly; if you're ambiguous, children may be tempted to use. Tell
your children that you forbid them to use alcohol, tobacco, and
drugs because you love them. (Don't be afraid to pull out all the
emotional stops. You can say, "If you took drugs it would
break my heart.") Make it clear that this rule holds true even at
other people's houses. Will your child listen? Most likely.
According to research, when a child decides whether or not to use
alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs, a crucial consideration is
"What will my parents think?"
Also discuss the consequences of breaking the rules what the
punishment will be and how it will be carried out. Consequences
must go hand-in-hand with limits so that your child understands
that there's a predictable outcome to his choosing a particular
course of action. The consequences you select should be reasonable
and related to the violation. For example, if you catch your son
smoking, you might "ground" him, restricting his social activities
for two weeks. You could then use this time to show him how
concerned you are about the serious health consequences of his
smoking, and about the possibility that he'll become addicted, by
having him study articles, books, or video tapes on the subject.
Whatever punishment you settle on shouldn't involve new penalties
that you didn't discuss before the rule was broken this wouldn't
be fair. Nor should you issue empty threats ("Your father will
kill you when he gets home!"). It's understandable that you'd be
angry when house rules are broken, and sharing your feelings of
anger, disappointment, or sadness can have a powerfully motivating
effect on your child. Since we're all more inclined to say things
we don't mean when we're upset, it's best to cool off enough to
discuss consequences in a matter-of-fact way.
Contrary to
some parents' fears, your strict rules won't alienate your
children. They want you to show you care enough to lay down the
law and to go to the trouble of enforcing it. Rules about what's
acceptable, from curfews to insisting that they call in to tell
you where they are, make children feel loved and secure. Rules
about drugs also give them reasons to fall back on when they feel
tempted to make bad decisions. A recent poll showed that drugs are
the number-one concern of young people today. Even when they
appear nonchalant, our children need and want parental guidance.
It does not have to be preachy. You will know best when it is more
effective to use an authoritarian tone or a gentler approach.
Always let your children know how happy you are that they respect
the rules of the household by praising them. Emphasize the things
your children do right instead of focusing on what's wrong. When
parents are quicker to praise than to criticize, children learn to
feel good about themselves, and they develop the self-confidence
to trust their own judgment.
What your own alcohol, tobacco, and drug use tells your
children
Drinking alcohol is one of the accepted practices of adulthood. It
is legal for adults to have wine with dinner, beer at the end of a
long week, or cocktails at a dinner party. But drinking to the
point of losing control sends the wrong message to children, as
does reaching for a drink to remedy unhappiness or tension.
Although it is legal for adults to smoke cigarettes, the negative
impact tobacco has on a smoker's health is well documented. If a
child asks his parents why they smoke, they may explain that when
they began, people didn't understand how unhealthy smoking is and
that once a smoker starts, it's very hard to stop. Young people
can avoid making the same mistake their parents did by never
starting and risking addiction.
When parents smoke marijuana or use other illegal drugs, they
compromise not only their children's sense of security and safety,
but the children's developing moral codes as well. If you use
illegal drugs, it is self-deluding to imagine that your children
won't eventually find out. When they do, your parental credibility
and authority will go out the window. If their parents their
closest and most important role models don't respect the law,
then why should they? Parents who abuse alcohol or other drugs
should seek professional help. This help is available at treatment
centers and from support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous and
Narcotics Anonymous. Their children also may benefit from
professional counseling and support from groups such as Families
Anonymous, Al- Anon, and Nar-Anon.
What to say when your child asks, "Did you ever use drugs?"
Among the most common drug-related questions asked of parents is
"Did you ever use drugs?" Unless the answer is "no," it's
difficult to know what to say because nearly all parents who used
drugs don't want their children to do the same thing. Is this
hypocritical? No. We all want the best for our children, and we
understand the hazards of drug use better than we did when we were
their age and thought we were invincible. To guide our children's
decisions about drugs, we can now draw on credible real-life
examples of friends who had trouble as a result of their drug use:
the neighbor who caused a fatal car crash while high; the family
member who got addicted; the teen who used marijuana for years,
lost interest in school, and never really learned how to deal with
adult life and its stresses.
Some parents who used drugs in the past choose to lie about it,
but they risk losing their credibility if their children discover
the truth. Many experts recommend that when a child asks this
question, the response should be honest.
This doesn't mean that parents need to recount every moment of
their experiences. As in conversations about sex, some details
should remain private, and you should avoid providing more
information than is actually sought by your child. Ask clarifying
questions to make sure you understand exactly why and what a child
is asking before answering questions about your past drug use, and
limit your response to that information.
This discussion provides a good opportunity for parents to speak
frankly about what attracted them to drugs, why drugs are
dangerous, and why they want their children to avoid making the
same mistake. There's no perfect way to get this message across,
only approaches that seem more fitting than others. Some
suggestions:
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"I took drugs because some of my
friends used them, and I thought I needed to in order to fit in.
In those days, people didn't know as much as they do now about all
the bad things that can happen when you smoke marijuana or do
other drugs. If I'd known then what I know now, I never would have
tried them, and I'll do everything I can to keep you away from
drugs."
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"Everyone makes mistakes, and when I
used drugs, I made a big one. I'm telling you about this, even
though it's embarrassing, because I love you, and I want to save
you from making the same stupid decision that I made when I was
your age. You can learn from my mistakes without repeating them."
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"I did drugs because I was bored and
wanted to take some risks, but I soon found that I couldn't
control the risks they were controlling me. There are much
better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs."
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"At your age, between homework,
friends, sports, and other interests, there are a lot of fun
things going on. If you get into taking drugs, you're pretty much
giving up those other things, because you stop being able to
concentrate, and you can't control your moods or keep to a
schedule. You'll miss out on all these great experiences, and
you'll never get those times back."
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"You don't know how your body will
react to drugs. Some people can get addicted really quickly and
can get really sick even using a drug for the first time."
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"I started drinking/doing drugs when I
was young, and I've been battling them ever since. They made me
miss a big part of growing up, and every day I have to fight with
myself so they don't make me miss more my job, my relationships,
and my time with you. I love you too much to watch you set
yourself on the same path."
A mother
looks back
Anne D. of Marietta, Georgia, mother of a son and two daughters,
ages 22, 21, and 20:
"My three kids are all in college now, so we're testing what they
learned at home when they were growing up.
"I've always tried to talk with them, not at them, and to
demonstrate the values our family thinks are important. For
example, when we were on vacation, someone left a camera behind in
our room, and I made a point of saying 'This isn't ours let's let
them know at the desk.' I tried to show how I value honesty.
"Since they were young, we've discussed healthy lifestyles and
habits, and when they were in middle school, we started talking
about how they should call home from parties if drugs were
present. I'm not sure if we picked them up every time they were at
a party where there were drugs, but I'm sure we did most of the
time. High school was an especially challenging time for my kids
because I was getting divorced then. But they got through it fine,
and I think it's because they had a good foundation of values to
fall back on."
How
grandparents can help raise drug-free children
Grandparents play a special part in a child's life and, unlike
parents, grandparents have had years to prepare for their role.
They've been through the ups and downs of child-rearing and bring
a calmer, more seasoned approach to their interactions with their
grandchildren. They, as well as other extended family members, can
serve as stable, mature role models, especially if they need to
step in to assume some of the responsibilities of the child's
parents.
These important elders have one advantage over parents: Their
relationships with their grandchildren are less complicated, less
judgmental, and less tied to day-to-day stresses. Grandparents can
use their positions of trust and intimacy to reinforce the same
lessons in self-respect and healthy living that children are
learning from their parents. When grandparents show concern with
questions like "Has anyone ever tried to sell you drugs?" or "Why
are your eyes so red?" they may be more likely to hear honest
answers especially if they indicate that they are willing to
listen in confidence, and will not be quick to judge or punish.
Their grandchildren may be less defensive and more likely to
listen closely to their advice about avoiding drugs. Grandparents
can also help reinforce positive messages and praise their
grandchildren when they do well.
Chapter 3: Talking With Your Children Effectively
As soon as your child begins to talk, the questions come: "Why is
the grass green?" "What's wrong with that man sitting in the
park?" If you show your child that you're ready to give answers at
any time, even if the topics make you uncomfortable, you'll forge
a trusting relationship, and your child will feel comfortable
coming to you with concerns because she knows you take her
seriously.
Being a good listener also gives you insight into your child's
world. Your child will tell you about the sights and sounds that
influence him every day he's the expert about fashion, music,
TV, and movies that people his age follow. Ask him what music
groups are popular and what their songs are about, what his
friends like to do after school, what's cool and what's not and
why. Encourage him with phrases such as "That's interesting" or "I
didn't know that," and by asking follow-up questions.
In these conversations, you can steer the talk to drugs and why
they're harmful. If you can ingrain this information in your
children well before they are faced with making difficult choices,
experts say they'll be more likely to avoid rather than use. In
fact, teenagers who say they've learned a lot about the risks of
drugs from their parents are much less likely to try marijuana
than those who say they learned nothing from them. You needn't
fear that by introducing the topic of drugs, you're "putting
ideas" into your children's heads, any more than talking about
traffic safety might make them want to jump in front of a car.
You're letting them know about potential dangers in their
environment so that when they're confronted with them, they'll
know what to do.
To introduce the topic, ask your child what he's learned about
drugs in school and what he thinks of them. He may even mention
people who might be using them. If you hear something you don't
like (perhaps a friend smokes marijuana or your child confesses to
trying beer at a party), it is important not to react in any way
that cuts off further discussion. If he seems defensive or assures
you that he doesn't know anyone who uses drugs, ask him why he
thinks people use them. Discuss whether the risks are worth what
people may get out of using them and whether he thinks it would be
worth it to take the risks. Even without addiction,
experimentation is too great a gamble. One bad experience, such as
being high and misjudging how long it takes to cross a busy
street, can change or end a life forever. If something
interrupts your conversation, pick it up the next chance you get.
Teachable moments
Another way to talk about drugs is to take advantage of everyday
"teachable moments":
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If you and your child are walking down
the street and you see a group of teenagers drinking and hanging
out, talk about the negative effects of drinking alcohol.
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Newspapers are full of the
consequences of alcohol and drug abuse. Take your examples right
off the front page. Ask your child if she heard about the mother
who used drugs and was arrested. Who will take care of her baby
now? Did she make a good decision when she used drugs?
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Watch TV with your children, and ask
them what they think. Do the programs and advertising make drug
use look acceptable and routine, or do they show its downside?
When you see a news item involving drug use, point out the story's
full implications to families and all of society: Drug addiction
can cause or aggravate many tragedies involving child neglect and
abuse, family violence and rape, HIV transmission, teenage
suicide, and teenage pregnancy.
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Whenever you see an anti-drug
commercial on TV, use it as an opening to talk with your children
about drugs. Ask them what they think about the commercial. The
White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, in conjunction
with the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, has embarked upon an
unprecedented national anti-drug media campaign that will provide
many opportunities to discuss drugs with your children.
When
there's a family history of alcoholism or drug abuse
If your family had a tendency for high blood pressure, you'd tell
your children they might inherit it. In the same way, they need to
know about recurring patterns of substance abuse, particularly if
you, your spouse, or their grandparents have had problems with
alcohol or other drugs. Children of substance abusers are much
more likely to become addicted if they use drugs; they may have
inherited genes that make them react to alcohol and drugs
differently, and they may have had more difficult upbringings.
When you use the example of a family member to illustrate why your
children should be careful about trying alcohol and other drugs,
you make a compelling argument.
Try to find a positive perspective. If substance abuse is a
persistent problem in your family, you might tell your children
that being aware of the challenge that the future holds better
equips them to plan ahead and avoid potentially unhealthy
situations.
The drugs in your kitchen cabinet
Ordinary household products such as nail polish remover, cleaning
fluid, hair spray, gasoline, spray paint, and the propellant in
aerosol whipped cream can be abused as dangerous inhalants.
Inhalants pose a difficult challenge to parents because they can't
be banished from the household.
Because inhalants are easily available, they are a popular drug
for younger users; more than one in five children report having
used inhalants by the eighth grade, the year during which usage
peaks. Parents need to tell children about the deadly consequences
of abuse. Inhalants starve the body of oxygen and can cause
unconsciousness, severe damage to the brain and nervous system,
and even death.
Helping your child say "no" to drugs
No matter where children grow up or who their friends are, nearly
all of them are confronted at some time or another by friends with
bad ideas ways of testing limits, getting in trouble, and doing
things they'll regret later. It's not so hard saying "No thanks, I
have to go now" to a stranger. But it's a lot tougher when a
child's friend especially one whose approval means a lot to him
tries to get him to do something he knows is wrong.
Even "good kids" occasionally pester their friends into skipping a
class or lying about why they were out together so late. But if
friends or acquaintances entice your children to try tobacco,
alcohol, or drugs, the consequences can be more serious. The best
way to prepare children to succeed in these encounters is to "role
play" practice similar scenarios in advance. With the right
words at the tip of their tongue, children can assert their
independence while making it clear that they're rejecting their
friends' choices and not the friends themselves.
You need to have these practice sessions before your child finds
herself in any new situation. If your child hasn't asked you what
she should do in such situations, find the time to bring it up
yourself. Stress that you're working together on a skill that
comes in handy whenever someone doesn't want to take "no" for an
answer.
You might, for instance, take the role of a boy she likes and try
to persuade her to share a six-pack of beer with you. What can she
say? "You're such a jerk!" is alienating. "I don't know..." leaves
the door open and sounds like she could be coaxed. The middle
ground, in which she's firm but friendly, works best. Help her
rehearse key phrases that give reasons for why she simply won't
have a beer:
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"My parents would kill me if they
found out, and they always find out!"
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"No, I'm not into that stuff."
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"I tried it once, and I hate the
taste."
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"My parents trust me to not drink, and
I don't want to break that trust."
Or she could state the consequences of drinking:
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"I tried it once and ended up vomiting
on everything!"
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"Drinking would make me feel out of
control, and I hate that."
She'll need
to be prepared for protests. She can meet them with the "broken
record" technique, in which she repeats her reason for not
drinking over and over until attempts at persuading her cease. Or
she can make it clear that the discussion about beer is over by
changing the subject: "Did you watch the basketball game last
night?" or "Hey, do you know if that concert's sold out?" If all
else fails, she should leave the scene, saying, "I've got to go."
Chapter 4: Your Child's Perspective
Why a child uses drugs
Understandably, some parents of drug users think that their child
might have been pressured into taking drugs by peers or drug
dealers. But children say they choose to use drugs because they
want to:
Rather than
being influenced by new friends whose habits they adopt, children
and teens often switch peer groups so they can hang around with
others who have made the same lifestyle choices.
Parents know their children best and are therefore in the best
position to suggest healthy alternatives to doing drugs. Sports,
clubs, music lessons, community service projects, and after-school
activities not only keep children and teens active and interested,
but also bring them closer to parents who can attend games and
performances. To develop a positive sense of independence, you
could encourage babysitting or tutoring. For a taste of
risk-taking, suggest rock-climbing, karate, or camping.
What our culture tells children about drugs
Unfortunately, the fashions and fads that thrive in our culture
are sometimes the ones with the most shock value. Children today
are surrounded by subtle and overt messages telling them what is
"good" about alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. Your children may see TV
characters living in wealth and splendor off drug money, may
stumble onto a website urging legalization of marijuana, may see
their favorite movie stars smoking in their latest films, or may
hear songs describing the thrill of making love while high.
To combat these impressions, put your television and computer in a
communal area so you can keep tabs on what your children are
seeing. Sit down with them when they watch TV. Explore the
Internet with them to get a feel for what they like. Anything
disturbing can be turned into a "teachable moment." You may want
to set guidelines for which TV shows, films, and websites are
appropriate for your child. (You also may want to reassure
children that the world is not as bleak as it appears in the news,
which focuses heavily on society's problems.)
In the same way, familiarize yourself with your children's
favorite radio stations, CDs, and tapes. According to a recent
survey, most teenagers consider listening to music their favorite
non-school activity and, on average, devote three to four hours to
it every day. Since many of the songs they hear make drug use
sound inviting and free of consequences, you'll want to combat
this impression with your own clear position.
Chapter 5: How To Teach Your Child About Drugs
Preschoolers
It may seem premature to talk about drugs with preschoolers, but
the attitudes and habits that they form at this age have an
important bearing on the decisions they will make when they're
older. At this early age, they are eager to know and memorize
rules, and they want your opinion on what's "bad" and what's
"good." Although they are old enough to understand that smoking is
bad for them, they're not ready to take in complex facts about
alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Nevertheless, this is a good
time to practice the decision-making and problem-solving skills
that they will need to say "no" later on.
Here are some ways to help your preschool children make good
decisions about what should and should not go into their bodies:
-
Discuss why children need healthy
food. Have your child name several favorite good foods and explain
how these foods contribute to health and strength.
-
Set aside regular times when you can
give your son or daughter your full attention. Get on the floor
and play with him; learn about her likes and dislikes; let him
know that you love him; say that she's too wonderful and unique to
do drugs. You'll build strong bonds of trust and affection that
will make turning away from drugs easier in the years to come.
-
Provide guidelines like playing fair,
sharing toys, and telling the truth so children know what kind of
behavior you expect from them.
-
Encourage your child to follow
instructions, and to ask questions if he does not understand the
instructions.
-
When your child becomes frustrated at
play, use the opportunity to strengthen problem-solving skills.
For example, if a tower of blocks keeps collapsing, work together
to find possible solutions. Turning a bad situation into a success
reinforces a child's self-confidence.
-
Whenever possible, let your child
choose what to wear. Even if the clothes don't quite match, you
are reinforcing your child's ability to make decisions.
-
Point out poisonous and harmful
substances commonly found in homes, such as bleach, kitchen
cleanser, and furniture polish, and read the products' warning
labels out loud. Explain to your children that not all "bad" drugs
have warnings on them, so they should only eat or smell food or a
prescribed medicine that you, a grandparent, or a babysitter give
them.
-
Explain that prescription medications
are drugs that can help the person for whom they are meant but
that can harm anyone else especially children, who must stay
away from them.
Kindergarten through third grade (5 8 years old)
A child this age usually shows increasing interest in the world
outside the family and home. Now is the time to begin to explain
what alcohol, tobacco, and drugs are, that some people use them
even though they are harmful, and the consequences of using them.
Discuss how anything you put in your body that is not food can be
extremely harmful. How drugs interfere with the way our bodies
work and can make a person very sick or even cause them to die.
(Most children of this age have had real-life experiences with a
death of a relative or the relative of someone at school.) Explain
the idea of addiction that drug use can become a very bad habit
that is hard to stop. Praise your children for taking good care of
their bodies and avoiding things that might harm them.
By the time your children are in third grade, they should
understand:
-
how foods, poisons, medicines, and
illegal drugs differ;
-
how medicines prescribed by a doctor
and administered by a responsible adult may help during illness
but can be harmful if misused, so children need to stay away from
any unknown substance or container;
-
why adults may drink but children may
not, even in small amounts it's harmful to children's developing
brains and bodies.
Grades
four through six (9 11 years old)
Continue to take a strong stand about drugs. At this age, children
can handle more sophisticated discussion about why people are
attracted to drugs. You can use their curiosity about major
traumatic events in people's lives (like a car accident or
divorce) to discuss how drugs can cause these events. Children
this age also love to learn facts, especially strange ones, and
they want to know how things work. This age group can be
fascinated by how drugs affect a user's brain or body. Explain how
anything taken in excess whether it's cough medicine or aspirin
can be dangerous.
Friends either a single best friend or a group of friends are
extremely important during this time, as is fitting in and being
seen as "normal." When children enter middle or junior high
school, they leave their smaller, more protective surroundings and
join a much larger, less intimate crowd of preteens. These older
children may expose your child to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.
Research shows that the earlier children begin using these
substances, the more likely they are to experience serious
problems. It is essential that your child's anti-drug attitudes be
strong before entering middle school or junior high.
Before leaving elementary school, your children should know:
-
the immediate effects of alcohol,
tobacco, and drug use on different parts of the body, including
risks of coma or fatal overdose;
-
the long-term consequences how and
why drugs can be addicting and make users lose control of their
lives;
-
the reasons why drugs are especially
dangerous for growing bodies;
-
the problems that alcohol and other
illegal drugs cause not only to the user, but the user's family
and world.
Rehearse
potential scenarios in which friends offer drugs. Have your
children practice delivering an emphatic "That stuff is really bad
for you!" Give them permission to use you as an excuse: "My mom
will kill me if I drink a beer!" "Upsetting my parents" is one of
the top reasons preteens give for why they won't use marijuana.
Teach your children to be aware of how drugs and alcohol are
promoted. Discuss how advertising, song lyrics, movies, and TV
shows bombard them with messages that using alcohol, tobacco, and
other drugs is glamorous. Make sure that they are able to separate
the myths of alcohol, tobacco, and other drug use from the
realities, and praise them for thinking for themselves.
Get to know your children's friends, where they hang out, and what
they like to do. Make friends with the parents of your children's
friends so you can reinforce each others' efforts. You'll feel in
closer touch with your child's daily life and be in a better
position to recognize trouble spots. (A child whose friends are
all using drugs is very likely to be
using them, too.) Children this age really appreciate this
attention and involvement. In fact, two-thirds of fourth-graders
polled said that they wished their parents would talk more with
them about drugs.
Grades seven through nine (12 14 years old)
A common stereotype holds that teenagers are rebellious, are ruled
by peer pressure, and court danger even to the point of
self-destructiveness. Although teens do often seem unreceptive to
their parents as they struggle to become independent, teens need
parental support, involvement, and guidance more than ever.
Young teens can experience extreme and rapid shifts in their
bodies, emotional lives, and relationships. Adolescence is often a
confusing and stressful time, characterized by mood changes and
deep insecurity, as teens struggle to figure out who they are and
how to fit in while establishing their own identities. It's not
surprising that this is the time when many young people try
alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs for the first time.
Parents may not realize that their young teens feel surrounded by
drug use. Nearly nine out of ten teens agree that "it seems like
marijuana is everywhere these days." Teens are twice as likely to
be using marijuana as parents believe they are, and teens are
getting high in the places that parents think are safe havens,
such as around school, at home, and at friends' houses.
Although teens may not show they appreciate it, parents profoundly
shape the choices their children make about drugs. Take advantage
of how much young people care about social image and appearance to
point out the immediate, distasteful consequences of tobacco and
marijuana use for example, that smoking causes bad breath and
stained teeth and makes clothes and hair smell.
At the same
time, you should discuss drugs' long-term effects:
-
the lack of crucial social and
emotional skills ordinarily learned during adolescence;
-
the risk of lung cancer and emphysema
from smoking;
-
fatal or crippling car accidents and
liver damage from heavy drinking;
-
addiction, brain coma, and death
Grades ten
through twelve (15 17 years old)
Older teens have already had to make decisions many times about
whether to try drugs or not. Today's teens are savvy about drug
use, making distinctions not only among different drugs and their
effects, but also among trial, occasional use, and addiction. They
witness many of their peers using drugs some without obvious or
immediate consequences, others whose drug use gets out of control.
To resist peer pressure, teens need more than a general message
not to use drugs. It's now also appropriate to mention how
alcohol, tobacco, and other drug consumption during pregnancy has
been linked with birth defects in newborns. Teens need to be
warned of the potentially deadly effects of combining drugs. They
need to hear a parent's assertion that anyone can become a chronic
user or an addict and that even non-addicted use can have
serious permanent consequences.
Because most high school students are future oriented, they are
more likely to listen to discussions of how drugs can ruin chances
of getting into a good college, being accepted by the military, or
being hired for certain jobs. Teenagers tend to be idealistic and
enjoy hearing about ways they can help make the world a better
place. Tell your teens that drug use is not a victimless crime,
and make sure they understand the effect that drug use has on our
society. Appeal to your teen by pointing out how avoiding illegal
drugs helps make your town a safer, better place, and how being
drug-free leaves more energy to volunteer after school for
tutoring or coaching younger kids activities the community is
counting on.
Your teenager may be aware of the debate over the legalization of
marijuana and whether or not doctors should be able to prescribe
it for medicinal purposes. The idea that there might be legitimate
health advantages to an illegal drug is confusing. Now that your
teenager is old enough to understand the complexities of this
issue, it is important to discuss it at some point perhaps
during a teachable moment inspired by a news report. You may want
to let your teen know that the ingredient in marijuana that has
some medicinal value delta-9- tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) can
already be prescribed by doctors in a pill form that doesn't
contain the cancer-causing substances of smoked marijuana. Other
medical painkillers include codeine and morphine, both of which
have been determined safe for prescription use after rigorous
testing and review by scientific medical organizations.
It is important that parents praise and encourage teens for all
the things they do well and for the positive choices they make.
When you are proud of your son or daughter, tell him or her.
Knowing they are seen and appreciated by the adults in their lives
is highly motivating and can shore up their commitments to avoid
drug use. Your teen may also be impressed by the importance of
serving as a good role model for a younger brother or sister.
Questions children frequently ask about drugs
Q. Why would
people want to put bad things into their bodies?
A. One answer might be that they might not realize how
dangerous the bad
things are; another is that they are not taking care of
themselves.
Sometimes people start using a drug just to see what it feels
like, but
it can turn into an addiction (like cigarettes) and it's very hard
to
stop.
Q. Why are some drugs good for you and some drugs wrong for
you to take?
A. You can discuss how drugs are powerful chemicals that
change the way you feel. Doctors prescribe medicine to make sick
people better these are "good" drugs. "Bad" drugs are ones that
aren't given by doctors and don't make you better; in fact, they
can harm your body. That is why it is wrong to take these "bad"
drugs.
Q. Why can't I taste that "grownup" drink?
A. A small amount of alcohol has a much greater negative
effect on a child's body than on an adult's; even a small amount
can sicken a child.
Q. Did you smoke marijuana when you were young?
A. Don't give your child more information than necessary.
If the answer is "yes," give the reasons why you feel you made a
mistake; for instance, it made you feel out of control, you missed
schoolwork, messed up in sports, let down your friends or lost
touch with them. Also explain that more is known about the harmful
effects of marijuana and other drugs now.
When your
child enters middle school or junior high
This year is both an exciting and challenging time for children.
They're little fish in a big pond and desperately want to fit in.
Because your children may now see older students using alcohol,
tobacco, and other drugs and may think they are cool and
self-assured, your children may be tempted to try drugs, too. Drug
use goes up dramatically in the first year of middle school or
junior high.
No matter where you live, your children will be exposed to all
kinds of drugs from now on, so you need to be familiar with all
the information about drugs that they may be receiving. The names
of drugs and methods of manufacture and ingestion change
constantly, so look over the pictures of drugs, paraphernalia, and
slang terms on the drug chart on pages 34-39. At this time when
peer approval means everything, your children may make you feel
unwelcome. But while your children are pulling away from you to
establish their own identities or may seem to be embarrassed by
you, they need you to be involved in their lives more than ever
before.
To help your children make good choices during this critical
phase, you should:
-
Make sure they're well-versed in the
reasons to avoid alcohol, tobacco, and drugs;
-
Get to know their friends by taking
them to and from after-school activities, games, the library, and
movies (while being sensitive to their need to feel independent);
-
Volunteer for activities where you can
observe your child at school;
-
Get acquainted with the parents of
your children's friends and learn about their children's interests
and habits. If it seems that your child is attracted to those with
bad habits, reiterate why drug use is unacceptable.
Drug Myths
vs. Reality
While you are teaching the facts about drugs, your child is
getting lots of misinformation and mythology from peers. Be aware
and be ready to address the half-truths and misinformation that
children hear and believe, such as:
Myth:
Marijuana is not harmful because it is "all natural" and comes
from a plant.
Truth:
Marijuana smoke contains some of the same cancer-causing compounds
as tobacco, sometimes in higher concentrations.
Myth: It's
okay to use marijuana as long as you're not a chronic user or
"stoner."
Truth:
Occasional use can lead to frequent use.
Myth:
Because sniffing powdered heroin doesn't require needles, it isn't
very risky (40% of the high school seniors polled do not believe
there is a great risk in trying heroin).
Truth:
Heroin is dangerous no matter how it's ingested. Once addicted to
heroin, users may eventually switch to injecting the drug because
it's cheaper.
Myth: Drugs
are not that dangerous and I can handle it.
Truth: Drug
use is extremely unpredictable and affects people differently.
Anyone can become addicted to drugs.
Myth:
Everyone is doing it.
Truth:
Research shows that more than four out of five eighth graders have
not used drugs in the past month. Even among high school seniors
(the group with the highest rate of marijuana use), only a quarter
of those polled in a national study reported using the drug in the
last month. In any given school, most students aren't doing drugs.
Medical
marijuana update
If your teen is interested in the debate about whether or not
marijuana should be legal in certain circumstances, you can state
the facts: Voters' referenda are appearing in some states to
legalize marijuana for medical use.
Some supporters of medical marijuana are genuinely concerned with
exploring the potential for providing sick people with relief from
their suffering; others are using the issue to change drug laws in
America and to legalize illegal drugs, principally marijuana.
To protect consumers, medical protocol is set by health
authorities and not determined by popular vote. The Food and Drug
Administration withholds approval of a drug until studies strongly
indicate that it is safe and effective for its intended use.
Unless such studies determine that marijuana used medically fits
that description, the American Medical Association recommends that
the drug not be prescribed or used for medical purposes.
Tobacco and teens: a bad combination
Unfortunately, increased awareness about the hazards of tobacco
smoking has not deterred many teens. In fact, the percentage of
high school seniors who smoke has gone up since 1983. One reason
may be that teenagers are notorious for not worrying about death
it seems a long way off. They may even convince themselves that by
the time they're adults, cancer and the other heart and lung
diseases that smoking causes will be cured.
If you discover your son or daughter smoking, experts say you
should tell him or her to quit immediately and that smoking is not
tolerated. You need to be firm but supportive; let your child know
you realize that breaking tobacco addiction is difficult for
anyone, regardless of age. Understand that a child who is an
addicted smoker may relapse and will need encouragement. Although
relapses on the road to abstinence may recur, always make it clear
that quitting is imperative. If your child can't seem to quit
independently, seek help from your family physician who may
prescribe medication or direct your child to an anti-smoking
program.
Five sons many lessons
Marty H., Cincinnati, Ohio, married, father of five sons, ages 8
to 18:
"My
wife and I became concerned about our oldest son when he was a
sophomore in high school. He started changing friends, and we
suspected that he might be using drugs. So we attended a workshop
run by a local parents' group. We started talking about drugs with
and around the kids; now we don't shy away from the topic. We're
not evangelical, but we state firmly how drug use is unacceptable
in our house. We've also tried to lower the decibel level here and
to listen to each other better. We manage to have dinner together
several times each week."
"We also
learned that it's helpful to give your kids an excuse to say 'no'
to drugs. They can say 'I'd love to try it. I'm as cool as you
are, but my parents are wackos!'
"Since we
attended the workshop, our son has really come around, and his
grades are consistently good. The younger boys haven't gone
through any rough spots, and I think it's due in large part to
what we're doing at home. My wife and I were kids of the '60s, and
I think a lot of us fear seeming hypocritical. But I'd rather have
my child think I'm a hypocrite and be alive and have a chance to
mature and grow older."
Chapter 6:
What To Do If You Think Your Child Might Be Using Drugs
Signs that your child might be using drugs
Since mood swings and unpredictable behavior are frequent
occurrences for preteens and teenagers, parents may find it
difficult to spot signs of alcohol and drug abuse. But if your
child starts to exhibit one or more of these signs (which apply
equally to sons and daughters), drug abuse may be at the heart of
the problem:
-
She's withdrawn, depressed, tired, and
careless about personal
grooming.
-
He's hostile and uncooperative; he
frequently breaks curfews.
-
Her relationships with family members
have deteriorated.
-
He's hanging around with a new group
of friends.
-
Her grades have slipped, and her
school attendance is irregular.
-
He's lost interest in hobbies, sports,
and other favorite activities.
-
Her eating or sleeping patterns have
changed; she's up at night and sleeps during the day.
-
He has a hard time concentrating.
-
Her eyes are red-rimmed and/or her
nose is runny in the absence of a cold.
-
Household money has been disappearing.
The presence
of pipes, rolling papers, small medicine bottles, eye drops, or
butane lighters in your home signal that your child may be using
drugs. Other clues include homemade pipes and bongs (pipes that
use water as a filter) made from soda cans or plastic beverage
containers. If any of these indicators show up, parents should
start discussing what steps to take so they can present a united
front. They may also want to seek other family members'
impressions.
Acting on your suspicions
If you suspect that your child is using drugs, you should voice
your suspicions openly avoiding direct accusations when he or
she is sober or straight and you're calm.
This may mean waiting until the next day if he comes home drunk
from a party, or if her room reeks of marijuana. Ask about what's
been going on in school and out and discuss how to avoid using
drugs and alcohol in the future. If you encounter reluctance to
talk, enlist the aid of your child's school guidance counselor,
family physician, or a local drug treatment referral and
assessment center they may get a better response. Also explore
what could be going on in your child's emotional or social life
that might prompt drug use.
Taking the time to discuss the problem openly without turning away
is an important first step on the road to recovery. It shows that
your child's well-being is crucial to you and that you still love
him, although you hate what he's doing to himself. But you should
also show your love by being firm and enforcing whatever
discipline your family has agreed upon for violating house rules.
You should go over ways to regain the family's trust such as
calling in, spending evenings at home, and improving grades.
Even in the face of mounting evidence, parents often have a hard
time acknowledging that their child has an alcohol, tobacco, or
drug problem. Anger, resentment, guilt, and a sense of failure are
all common reactions, but it is important to avoid self-blame.
Drug abuse occurs in families of all economic and social
backgrounds, in happy and unhappy homes alike. Most important is
that the faster you act, the sooner your child can start to become
well again.
Addiction
No one who begins to use drugs thinks he or she will become
addicted. Addiction is a disease characterized by compulsive
drug-seeking behavior regardless of the consequences. Research
conducted by the National Institute on Drug Abuse clearly shows
that virtually all drugs that are abused have a profound effect on
the brain. Prolonged use of many drugs including cocaine, heroin,
marijuana and amphetamines can change the brain in fundamental and
long-lasting ways, resulting in drug craving and addiction.
If and when a
drug abuser becomes addicted depends on the individual. Research
shows that children who use alcohol and tobacco are more likely to
use marijuana than children who do not use these substances.
Children who use marijuana are more likely to use other addictive
drugs. Certain genetic, social, and environmental risk factors
make it more likely that certain individuals will become addicted
to alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. These include:
-
children of alcoholics who, according
to several studies, may have inherited genes that make them more
prone to addiction, and who may have had more stressful
upbringings;
-
sensation-seekers who may like the
novelty of feeling drunk or high;
-
children with psychological problems,
such as conduct disorders, who self-medicate to feel better;
-
children with learning disabilities,
and others who find it difficult to fit in or become frustrated
learning;
-
children of poverty who lack access to
opportunities to succeed and to resources when they're in trouble.
The more risk
factors children have, the greater their vulnerability. And
everyone has a different ability to tolerate drugs and alcohol
what if your child's tolerance is very low?
Regardless of how "cool" drugs may look, there is nothing
glamorous about the reality of addiction, a miserable experience
for the addict and everyone around him. Addiction causes an
all-consuming craving for drugs, leading an otherwise responsible,
caring person to destroy relationships, work, and family life.
Finding the right treatment
Certified drug and alcohol counselors work with families to find
the program best suited to a child's needs. To find a good
certified counselor you can consult your child's doctor, other
parents whose children have been treated for drug abuse, the local
hospital, a school social worker, the school district's substance
abuse coordinator, or the county mental health society.
You can also call the U. S. Dept. of Health and Human Services
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (800) 662-HELP for referrals.
Counselors will discuss treatment options such as individual or
group out-patient programs, prescription medication, and
residential programs. Counselors may also have information on
whether a particular treatment center will accept third-party,
partial or no payment for services. (Some residential centers
reserve a number of government-financed beds for patients who are
unable to afford treatment.) Counselors may also be able to
suggest support groups that can steer families to sources of
funding such as local church programs.
Addiction is a treatable disease
The success of any treatment approach depends on a variety of
factors such as the child's temperament and willingness to change,
and the extent and frequency of use. Drug addiction is now
understood to be a chronic, relapsing disease. It is not
surprising, then, that parents may have to make a number of
attempts at intervention before their child can remain drug-free,
and they should not despair if their first try does not produce
long-lasting results. Even if it is not apparent at the time, each
step brings the child closer to being healthy.
Advice from a teen in treatment
Jamal, 17,
treatment client in a residential program in Encinitas,
California:
"My
mom and dad are both addicts. When I was 15, I was living with my
uncle, and we got into a fight. I went to stay overnight at a
friend's, and he was using marijuana. So we got high on pot. But
pot got old, and a bunch of us went to our dealer's house, gave
him all the money we had, and he bought hard liquor for us. It
made me feel on top of the world, and alcohol became my drug of
choice."
"I started ditching school, and
I got suspended. I only went to get high anyway. But now I
couldn't graduate. I was living with my grandmother at the time,
and a peer counseling teacher from school recommended a
residential treatment center."
"When I got here, I didn't think I'd stay. I thought I'd just come
to cool down. But they started forcing me to change. The staff
made me see that I was out of control. In about six months, I
started changing. The counselors threw my issues in my face I
had been molested and abused when I was young, and I had had
problems with my mom. I made commitments that I had to keep. I
plan to graduate and move back to New York, and I hope to attend
college."
"My advice to anyone doing drugs is that if you feel vulnerable,
find someone your best friend or someone you know who cares
and do what is hardest: Talk about your pain. The people who take
care of you shouldn't be dictators too; they should share their
own experiences and let kids know that they're there for them. I
wish my parents had talked to me about their own drug problems."
A family triumphs
Andrea M.*, married; a New Jersey mother of a daughter, 16, and
son, 18:
"Both my kids were fun-loving and good students, but when my son
was almost 16, his behavior changed. He was having trouble in
school, he found a different set of friends, his personal
appearance suffered, he slept all day and he was wide awake all
night. I thought this was just typical teenage stuff. I didn't
notice any changes in my daughter, but it turns out that she had
started around the same time and was just better at hiding her
drug abuse."
"We
began getting phone calls at night, and my money started
disappearing, but my husband and I disagreed about what to do, so
we did nothing. Finally, about a year ago, my son and daughter got
caught together trying to sell tabs of acid to the police in a
sting operation."
"They both received two years' probation, which is mandatory in
our state for a first drug offense. My husband decided that day
that our kids needed a full-force intervention program, so we
brought them to a treatment facility not too far from our home in
the suburbs. Both kids attended sessions there several times per
week after school. We were shocked to learn that they had been
using drugs much more than we'd ever imagined marijuana, acid,
crystal meth and Ketamine."
"The parents attend the program on a regular basis, too. We learn
the three C's: that 'you didn't Cause, can't Control and can't
Cure' your kids' problems. But you can't ignore the problems
because they won't go away by themselves."
"My daughter graduated from the
program first. She's clean and has a boyfriend and is working on
her SATs so she can go to college the year after next. My son
lives at home, too, and is trying to juggle the commitments of a
girlfriend, work, and college. They both go to Narcotics Anonymous
meetings, which is a continuation of the treatment program. We're
relieved, but we still take it one day at a time."
Chapter 7:
Getting Involved And Staying Involved
Parent-school partnerships
Parents do not need to feel they are alone in helping their
children stay drug- free. For the first time ever, there are
preventative intervention programs that have been proven to be
effective and are available to schools, families and communities.
Children have the best prospects for leading healthy, drug-free
lives when schools support parents in their anti-drug message.
There should be nothing confusing or contradictory in what
children learn about drugs from the adults in their lives, and
school policies need to reflect the same attitude toward alcohol
and drugs that you express at home: Drug use is not acceptable.
Drugs diminish a child's ability to concentrate and follow through
on academic responsibilities, they cause loss of motivation and
absenteeism, and students who use them can be disruptive and drain
teachers' time and energy. The best way to ensure that the
anti-drug policies at your child's school are strong is to be
involved. You can:
Learn about the
current policies regarding alcohol and other drugs at your child's
school. If there's no anti-drug policy in place, attend PTA or
curriculum review meetings, or schedule an interview with the
principal to help develop a policy. The policy should specify what
constitutes an alcohol, tobacco, or other drug offense, spell out
the consequences for failing to follow the rules, and describe
procedures for handling violations.
-
Familiarize yourself with how drug
education is being taught in your child's school. Are the faculty
members trained to teach about alcohol, tobacco, and other drug
use? Is drug education taught in an age-appropriate way at each
grade level throughout the year or only once during a special
week? Is drug education taught during health class, or do all the
teachers incorporate anti-drug information into their classes? Is
there a parent education component? Is the school's program based
on current research?
-
Immerse yourself in the school's drug
education program at home. Ask your child to show you any
materials distributed during or outside class and take the
opportunity to review them together.
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Find out if your child's school
conducts assessments of its drug problem and whether these results
are used in the program.
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Ask what happens to those who are
caught abusing drugs. Does the school offer a list of referrals
for students who need special help?
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Request and examine any existing
materials. Do they contain a clear message that alcohol, tobacco,
and other drug use is wrong and harmful? Is the information
accurate and up to date?
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Investigate whether your school's drug
program is being evaluated for success. Research indicates that
some of the most effective programs emphasize the value of life
skills such as coping with anxiety, being assertive, and feeling
comfortable socially. When these lessons are combined with drug
education and media literacy (being able to critically evaluate
the media's messages), students confronted with drugs are better
equipped to resist them.
Help from
the community
Drug-free sons and daughters not only strengthen their families
but their communities, too. As a result, many towns have found
ways to help local young people stay healthy. Some offer teens
alternatives to familiar rituals, such as alcohol- and drug-free
proms, and special dry events such as First Night festivities on
New Year's Eve. Others support student-run clubs where teens can
hang out, listen to music, and play sports in the evening.
Reclaiming our neighborhoods block by block
Contrary to a common misperception, drug-use rates for urban
African-American children have typically been lower than rates for
the population as a whole. But children in less affluent urban
areas are more often exposed to drugs and the street-level drug
culture. When dealers make themselves at home in a neighborhood,
they often bring with them a number of other blights: crime,
truancy, a higher drop-out rate, increased drug use, the physical
deterioration of buildings and common areas, and despair.
Residents, however, often don't realize the tools at their command
to discourage drug dealing. Dealers tend to avoid neighborhoods in
which the community stands united against them. Here's how we can
demonstrate our commitment to reclaiming our streets:
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Form a community patrol, block
association, or Neighborhood Watch. Members can take turns
patrolling the streets and recording license-plate numbers of cars
cruising for drugs.
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Increase two-way communication with
the police by inviting them to neighborhood meetings and by
keeping them informed about suspicious drug activities, which can
be reported anonymously.
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Fill the streets with volleyball
games, block parties, and other events that make a strong, united
showing to dealers.
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Call the city public works department
for help in cleaning up. Blazing lights, litter-free streets, and
newly-planted flowers tell drug dealers that residents care too
much about their neighborhood to hand it over.
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Provide positive outlets for the
energies of local young people so they won't be attracted to
drug-dealing an activity that increases the likelihood that
they'll become users.
Continue to
reassure our children that we love them and don't want them to do
drugs. Even in neighborhoods where a walk to the grocery store can
mean exposure to a drug dealer, children whose parents reinforce
strong anti-drug attitudes stand a better chance of growing up
drug-free.
Parents supporting each other
Parents have no stronger allies in their fight against drug abuse
than each other. Many parents find it useful to meet regularly in
support of each other. It's helpful to be able to turn to other
parents at the same stage of child-rearing with questions like "My
daughter wants to go to a party where the chaperone will be a
20-year-old cousin are you allowing your son to go?" If you
haven't met many parents in your area with whom you can share
anti-drug plans, you might want to contact a parent or community
group with resources for parents. These organizations also
provide interested families with information about drug prevention
and referrals for treatment.
No matter how good school and community anti-drug efforts are, a
parent's prevention campaign is still the most powerful. Gail
Amato Baker, former president of Bowling Green Parents for
Drug-Free Youth, who is now a community service representative for
the Passage Group in Knoxville, Tennessee, tells why: "People
often ask me why I think parents are the answer, and I think it's
because we have the most to lose. Schools can help, churches can
help, law enforcement can help, but no one can replace the family.
Being involved with drug and alcohol prevention lets our children
know that we care. It strengthens the family and helps us to be
the kind of parents our children need us to be."
What you can do
Your child's transition from elementary school to middle school or
junior high calls for special vigilance. Children are much more
vulnerable to drugs and other risky behavior when they move from
sixth to seventh grade than when they were younger.
Continue the dialogue on drugs that you began when your child was
younger, and stay involved in your child's daily life by
encouraging interests and monitoring activities. Use the specific
actions below to significantly reduce the chance of your child
becoming involved with drugs. Some of these actions, like being
sure your child is supervised in the hours after school, may seem
like common sense. And some may meet with resistance from preteens
who are naturally striving to achieve independence from their
parents. But all the measures listed below are critically
important in making sure that your child's life is structured in
such a way that drugs have no place in it.
If possible,
arrange to have your children looked after and engaged from three
to five p.m. Encourage them to get involved with youth groups,
arts, music, sports, community service and academic clubs.
Make sure
children who are unattended for periods during the day feel your
presence. Give them a schedule and set limits on their behavior.
Give them household chores to accomplish. Enforce a strict
phone-in-to-you policy. Leave notes for them around the house.
Provide easy-to-find snacks.
Get to know
the parents of your child's friends. Exchange phone numbers and
addresses. Have everyone agree to forbid each others' children
from consuming alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs in their homes,
and pledge that you will inform each other if one of you becomes
aware of a child who violates this pact.
Call parents
whose home is to be used for a party. Make sure they can assure
you that no alcoholic beverages or illegal substances will be
dispensed. Don't be afraid to check out the party yourself to see
that adult supervision is in place.
Make it easy
for your child to leave a place where substances are being used.
Discuss in advance how to contact you or another designated adult
in order to get a ride home. If another adult provides the
transportation, be up and available to talk about the incident
when your child arrives home.
Set curfews
and enforce them. Weekend curfews might range from 9 p.m. for a
fifth-grader to 12:30 a.m. for a senior in high school. Encourage
open dialogue with your children about their experiences. Tell
your child, "I love you and trust you, but I don't trust the world
around you, and I need to know what's going on in your life so
I can be a good parent to you."
If you have an
addictive habit that you may be struggling with, help is
available, call Lorraine at 713.963.8031
